October Madness

It seems so long since I last checked in! This past October has come and gone in a whirlwind! Frankie, now 4, got her ears peirced on her birthday. She was an amazing little trooper. I love the way her mind works. I knew she was a bit nervous so she said she couldn't pick a pair of earrings until she had something to eat. "I can't make this choice with a hungry belly mom"! I think were her words. It was her way of stepping back to see if this was what she wanted. When she finally picked-a cobalt blue pair amoung diamonds and pink stones, she say up proud as can be. The guns went off and  the look of surprise, then shock, then stinging pain was one I don't think I will ever forget. She only cried a little and she made me very proud. We have not any problems with her ears except for the lost eariing on the second day. She is very proud of them too and has taken very good care of them. \
Poor Charley is too little to do anything, she kept telling us she was tuning 4 so she could get her ears pierced too. Then she told everyone she was turning three so she can do Hula lessons (Frankie started in September)
After one dance class, Frankie came out with Malia and Piper, Charley sat down pulled off her socks and shoes, picked up Frankie's binder and water bottle and marched into the gym saying "My Hula too!" Poor teachers at Hula wouldn't know what hit them with the determination in her voice. It was torture for the little nuggest to not be able to do whaqt her sister does so I enrolled her in a swimming lesson. She is a bit of a fish and is excelling at it. She is also SO proud she has something that she does all on her own. She likes the time with Quag too. I have noticed that she doesn't ever get any one on one time and when she does she shines. She has a funny little sense of humour and I know she will be a little prankster. She loves a good joke and finds great laughter in being sneaky. I love it!! She will be trouble, this I know! Charley was fully potty trained before her 2 birthday, we were very proud of her.
Mom and Dad, Leanne and Sabrina came for the weekend of the party and were a wonderful help., It was the first visit that Charely was aware that they left and that they went to Calgary.
This fall, usually a time of year that I love has seemed rushed gloomy. I didn't get my usual sense of renewal and revitialization that I usally get. I am not sure why, perhaps it is the busy schedules, Quag got laid off so that has been a source of stress. Seems that there is never enough time for anything, most importantly my girls. It is a source of guilt and stress and I know I am not the first (or last) working mother to feel this way. I just hope that there is enough of me to go around and that kids don't feel left out. I love them so much it hurts sometimes.
Frankie is loving dance and wants to take Karate too. She wants to tap, as does Charley and I feel that they will be enrolled in many things in the years to come. Although they are so differnt they both love to dance and Charley wants to be like her big sister so badly.
For Halloween Frankie dressed as a dracuala with a fleece outfit with a giant headdress and hair piece, and Charely was a little chicken. The girls loved trick-or-treating so much even though it was pouring rain. We went around Rene and Cliffs complex and it was perfect. At one point Charley put her arms around my neck, kissed my cheek  and said " Tank you Mummy, tank you for taking me tick-or-teeting" So cute it almost broke my heart. Char went up to every door holding open her bag yelling 'tick-da-teet' and ended up getting more candy then her sister. All in all it was hit and an overall great night.
Thast is all I have for now, be back soon.

June 2012

This June we celebrated Quag's 40th birthday, Dad's 66th, and Rick's 62. I remember celebrating my Dad's  40th, on our deck in Lake Bonavista. Chet's Bermuda shorts, parrot ties and Sun Ice were the coolest things ever. I remember everyone celebrating late into the night and early into the morning. 40 was old. And here we are now, with 2 toddlers at 40! Yikes! Make me wonder what will happen when our kids are adults and we are seniors. Now I feel that we have a lot of time as adults to spend time with our parents, for them to watch us grow, get careers, get married, buy houses and have kids. They have met their grand-kids, played important roles in their lives, and have made a lasting impression. With us being older, will we be able to have those opportunities? Lets say Frankie decides to get married at 25, Quag will be 62. SIXTY-TWO! Still relatively young, but so is getting married at 25. It makes me wonder if we will get the opportunity to see our own grand-kids into their teens. Makes me wonder if we will be able to see our own kids reach maturity and reach life's milestones like falling in love, getting, married, buying houses and having kids.

Frankie said to Quag the other day, "Dad, when I grow up I want to marry you." Sweetness! I just hope we will be around to see who her version of her dad is.........
I know it is a morose subject, but one that I think about often. When I see the way Charley clumsily brushes the hair out of her eyes, it makes me think of when she is teenager and her fingers will endlessly comb and twist and flick her locks with precision and expertise.
I watch how Frankie 'pretend' reads the paper with her dad and it makes me think of the day she vehemently argues her leftest idealistic views that the world can better itself with Love and Recycling over the dinner table.
I watch them both run outdoors and grab the first 'vehicle' that they see to ride around on and I wonder if we will be smart enough to teach them how to change a wiper blade, check for an oil leak or determine the state of their own fluids.
I am sure it a wish for every parent-to see their own kids grown and start a family of their own. Some days when you seem so old to yourself and your kids seem so young, it is hard to grasp how quickly it really does go.
Happy 40th Birthday Quag, here to 40 more......hopefully!

Trying day

Its been a trying day. I am sad, I have been trying not to take it out on the girls. I realized as I was trying to put Charley down for a nap (the first time) that I like that quiet time we have together. It makes me sad that Frankie is upstairs watching tv while I rock and sing and read to my baby, but I really love that quiet time we have. When I finally did get her to sleep (an hour after trying the first time) I looked at her peaceful sleeping face, watched her fingers twitch, kissed her sweet forehead and realized that even though I get mad that we didn't train her to go to sleep on her own, that I am not missing one minute of getting my baby to sleep. It is irreplaceable. It is only for a short time. One day she will tell me to get out of her room and not come back in. One day she will tell me that I don't need to go down to kiss her goodnight-she is ok without me. One day she will lock her door to all things mom, so for now I will rock her with love.

Mother eff'in mothers

I was struck the other day about how much families are alike. As I was crawling to bed due to my bad back, I was almost in tears and I am still not sure if it was pain or it was the realization that it has happened and I have turned into my mother. I was, as stated, crawling to bed and was appalled at how badly my carpets needed cleaning. All I wanted to do at that moment was get up vacuum, spot clean and shampoo my carpets. Never mind that I had to call Quag home to change Charley's diaper that day, never mind it took me 30 minutes just to get to the bathroom to pee, never mind my back was in such mind blowing pain that I actually cried-I wanted my carpets cleaned. When I suggested the activity to Quag he looked a look at me that I have seen my dad throw to my mom at more than one occasion, and it stuck me-I have turned into my mother. I remember thinking, as a kid, why does she want that (whatever that may be) done right now? Why can't she wait? Can't she see that I am busy (no doubt busy with TV). I get it now. She wanted it done right then, at that moment because tomorrow will be filled with a trillion other moments. Tomorrow we will have to pick up grapes, change diapers, clean up milk, sweep up coffee grinds, do laundry, wipe boogers, clean shit and match socks. There is not enough moments in the day to get everything done, so if at this moment you think of something-like shampooing the carpet-shampoo the eff'in carpet.
Along the same lines as that , Frankie has in turn, turned into me. In a casual conversation, Frankie asked me if her dad was going to yoga. I said no, She said are you going to yoga? I said no. I could see her getting agitated. I asked why she was asking and her response was "well one of you has to go to yoga so i could watch tv while you put Charley to bed"! It was 10:30 in the morning. She was already planning her TV watch experience at 10:30 in the morning and was getting visibly agitated when she thought she wouldn't get to watch tv later in the day.  I remember as a kid getting myself worked into knots when I knew there was something I wanted (or didn't) want to do and I tried all day to figure out a way to make it happen. Like getting 'sick' to stay home from school when I didn't finish my homework, the issue with this was I would intentional not do my homework, then spend all night wondering if i could be 'convincing' enough in the morning. Laying the groundwork the night before with a casual, my throat tickles, or my tummy is aching a bit around 5-6 pm. Frankie was laying the ground work at 10 am for her tv at 7pm! I had to laugh.So when Quag came home from work and stood up after dinner and stretched, Frankie says "Dad, you should go to yoga tonight". Cheeky Clever Monkey. 
Anyway, I guess it is true what they say, eventually, despite everything you say you will not do, everything you vow you will not become, we all eventually turn into our mothers.

So long...

Oh, I KNOW it has been so long since my last post, there's the mommy guilt right there! Currently we are in the tail end of the January snow that we always seem to get here in the lower mainland, and the kids and I had a blast. The hill behind the house is a perfect hill for the girls although poor little Charley can't even stand up with her snow suit on. She looks like a little star puff! They are both just getting over a little cold, but it didn't seem to slow them down any. Frankie does SO much better now with her inhalers and colds only seem to last a week instead of the months they were taking to clear up. Charley is a little trooper and doesn't complain about much of anything. I have ignored her for the last two night while she cries and it seems to be doing the trick, she only is crying for a few minutes. She is however, getting up at around 9 pm for a quick feed and to check out what mom and dad are doing. It seems to be an ever revolving door with the sleep issues and kids, and I have decided to just let the anger go. If she wants to play from 9-11 while we relax then fine-as long as she sleeps through the night!! (that is the trick!!)
Frankie is really emerging as a little person. She is starting to realize that she can do a lot of things and no longer shys away from new adventures as much. With her I feel it is a fear a failure rather then an actual fear, because I often see her trying the things she just shunned, when no one else is looking. She is so stubborn, I can see her only wanted to be the best at something.
Charley is hilarious!! She is sort of saying more, meaning she can get her point across better, without actually using words. She is a little IMP who is in EVERYTHING! For the longest time the only converstaions Quag had with her was growls. As she dumps the recycling-he picks it up and growls, as she removes the dishes from the dishwasher and walks away with them, he growls, as she dumps the umpteenth glass of water, he growls. So now when something happens, instead of Oh-Uh, or Oops, Charley growls!! Hilarious!!
The girls really play well together and Charley loves it when Frankie chases her around the house. Charley will dogpile on Frankie and sherbert her while Frankie screams.
Frankie loves her dollhouse and will spend forever putting her dolls to bed, reading stories, and walking them up the stairs.
Charley is FINALLY starting to get into books and will bring us a dozen at a time and wants to read them all, mind you she only has patience for three pages out of each book, but it is a start.
Mom and Dad are coming for a week on Wednesday, and I start a three week schooling period on Monday. Then it will be "get to work" for me. I hope I can make a go at this business, but I certainly have fears.
Anyway that is all in a nutshell that we have going on right now, more later (soon rather then laterI hope)

December!

Well it is here! Another December! Ok, I have to admit I love December. Well the last 6 days of it. The kids are both pretty snoggy now. Charley, it seems, is getting (or has) her first cold. Poor lil monkey. She holds still for us and lets us blow her nose and she will even try to blow on her own. She was trying to copy me sneezing this morning which brought on a fit of giggles as I sneezed again and again with her.
Frankie has been boycotting sleep and food for the last few days. Well unless we are eating subway meatball subs.....I hope she sleeps in a little bit today. Her dad made the mistake the other night when I was out grocery shopping letting her come back upstairs to watch some TV because "she just wasn't sleepy" so that has been her catch phrase since then!
I bought them an advent calendar and Frankie is already reminding me to not forget to give her a chocolate EVERYDAY! That kid has a memory like an Elephant!
Today I go and sign some paperwork for school. And so begins a new chapter for me. Well sort of a new revamped chapter......I hope to get some knowledge about business ownership from this.
So I am almost done my Christmas shopping which makes me a bit sad-I love Christmas shopping. Seems that you have start earlier and earlier each year because of the deals. Especially with kids. If not you miss the IT present for the year.
So bring it on December. A month of rushing, parties, baking and family. Oh, lets not forget the most awesome day of the year!!!

Dark Lashes

Frankie hasn't been feeling well for the last few days. She has been getting a cold. It seems that when Frankie gets sick, she turns into an Angel Child. Please, thank-you, yes mommy, no daddy, I love you SOO much are just about the only words out of her poor sick little mouth. It has been a LOONG time since Frankie has been sick, about a year, which is an eternity in kids standards. So the other night she asked me to lay with her until she fell asleep. How could I say no.
As she directed my hand to the 'correct' tickling spot (if you stay too long on one place or don't use your finger nails, she'll let you know) I watched her little face in the moments before pre-sleep. Her eyes were closed and flickering, her lips pursed and a look of concentrations was on her face. As we progressed her breath regulated and her lips relaxed, then parted ever so slightly. Her eyes stopped flickering and hand relaxed its grip on  mine. I looked at my daughter. My truly beautiful daughter. Her lashes, so dark and long against her pale skin, her full pink lips, her smooth porcelain skin. She has a little faint scar from when her fingernail scraped her skin on her nose. Her lower left lip is fuller then her right.

I began to think what will Frankie make of herself? Will she accomplish the things she sets out to do? I hope her father and I give her the confidence in herself to take no prisoners, to live her dreams and  to include others in her life. I want to give her everything she needs and the tools to work for everything she wants. Will we succeed? Will she?

My thoughts traveled to her beauty. Everyone is beautiful, in their own way. Frankie is no exception. Will she be a stunner, or the 'girl-next-door', will she be athletic or the dramatically pretty? As I lay with my sleeping daughter all I wanted for her in that time and that place was for someone, anyone in her life to lay with her and look at her like I am doing. If they marvel at the gentle slope of her nose, the puffy pout of her lips while she sleeps, the strand of hair tangled in her ear and the exotic darkness of her lashes like I am doing right now, then someone loves her like I love her. They love her for being Frankie, and that is all I can hope for.........